05-01-02 - 5:17 pm
warning: entry full of hurt
why her why me why us. why. we've proven our love time and time again. struggling on, making it, holding each other up, what more do you need? when you realize that your creation of time is merely a fallen tree that i will soon be around. and when i reach my time, it will cease. the clock will roll over to read 1,2,0, and 0. the date will say march 1st, 2003, and the only sound they'll hear is the slam of a door. i'll be with you. the months of loneliness, sadness, hurt, wishes, whys, and why nots will be over. you'll be locked in my arms tight for eternity and i'll be damned if anyone or thing will take us away again. none of the sickness, emotional, or physical, alone. none. days, weeks at a time, we'll lie in bed, kissing for hours on end, fixing each other meals, watching our favorite movies, massages, making love. relaxation. peace. stressless. to breathe. will i miss the hours and hours and days spent talking on the phone or computer? in a way, but in a bigger way, no. we've grown so much, and it only gets harder to leave each time. i can't wait to kiss you. god i'd kill to just feel your lips on mine.
see? you see what you have. people have it worse off than me? so what? i dont care anymore. we come first now. we've worked harder than any of them ever have to change their situation. we've worked and worked. its our turn to have it. and we will. the next time you take your girlfriend to the movies, dont let a second pass by that shes not in the corner of your eye. if she asks you to open the door for her, carry her inside. if she jokingly asks you to rub her shoulders, rub her feet back cheeks stomach legs arms until shes fast asleep. when she asks you what you want to eat, say her favorite food. you dont know what love is, stop pretending you do.