09-03-02 - 7:47 pm
I remember the first time I saw you. Radiating charisma and intelligence as you walked easily into our Team and into my heart. It was like the air was suddenly sucked out. I was suffocating, and then you turned your eyes on me, and I could breathe again. You're everything I need and still I wonder, can this union of souls work?
Is this right for me to ask you to be true to me? Is it selfish to want you to be with me and no one else? I see the way women look at you. You're like a live electric wire, buzzing with this energy and suddenly I think I may smother you. That my love may be the end of you. Or that you may be the death of me.
I know your reputation. I know how you think and it's as much a blessing as it is a personal hell. I think sometimes I shouldn't want to spend all my time with you. That everytime some flashback or bad memory comes popping up in my mind, I shouldn't run to you for comfort. Love is so complicated, and so simple at once. I can't fight the feelings, but I can damn sure try. And now here you are, sleeping beside me after our first true consumation. You didn't see me watching you earlier tonite, you were staring out at the night sky, a soft look of contentment on your lovely face. You were an angel, bathed in silvery stardust and moonlight. I wanted to kiss you, run my fingers through your hair. I didn't, I just lightly stroked your arm, something you've told me I do in my sleep. I didn't want you to know I was watching. I wanted to hang on to that one moment in time, memorize every detail, every curve of your frame. You, the very essence of who you are. I watched with fascination, enraptured in the way your cheek would twitch as you were deep in thought. You seemed lost, but the small smile that crossed those beautiful lips of yours showed me you had found your way back.
I know that loving you is something that I shouldn't do. It could be disasterous for both of us. But we've helped each other so much. A world of dualities, split minds and thoughts. I want to be far out of reach so that these feelings may fail. I'm afraid of losing you.
Damn, i need your touch like an addict needs his next fix. Need to feel your hands in mine, feel your lips brush my flesh. We shouldn't do this, but it feels so right, and so wonderfully wrong. I've never been one to rationalize, I go by feelings. Your mind is tactical.
Maybe we do mesh, fill in the parts that we're each missing. I'll hang on as long as you'll let me. I hope that you don't let go. Wrong or right, right or wrong, we'll work it out. Just as long as you're by my side, we can make it. The right kind of wrong.