9 months. new.
04-22-02 - 5:40 pm

i like sleeping in class. the drone noise of 30 students talking about their recovery from the previous weekends drunken orgies sounds like a lullaby in geometrey, spanish, any class for that matter. kids throwing their lives away to achive a status in a society that doesnt really exist. holden was right about everyone being fake. my brain doesnt even seem to take blood in the hours that im solidified in that desk. an opaque film develops over my central nervous system, i feel nothing but my contempt for myself. questioning, analyzing, wondering, hating. everyone has a vice, and ive never been included in a sentence with the word everybody until now, so i'll change. not for me, but for her. i cant even look at the bottom of my screen to see her name without recollecting and immediately regretting the statements i had said so long ago. my eyes weigh 90 pounds each. but i can't close them. i'm tired again, but i'm ready. change, i wont be scared of it, or to apply it. trust, it takes time, and i'll spend it wisely. am i yawning because im sleepy, or am i yawning because i cant yawn while im asleep. you made this for me. thank you. its becoming easier, youre making everything easier, i love you.
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